Second Side of the Coin
by Hey-Diddle-Diddle25
Summary: "What did you expect to see?" the man who's taken his son's identity for so long asked and his eyes sparkled with twisted amusement. "Not you," Han answered, "Who are you?" (or the one where the bridge scene happened differently, Han is confused and Luke had a good reason to leave).


**SPOILERS for TFA!**

 **Though I suspect that if you haven't yet seen this movie then you probably won't. If you don't want anything spoiled for you, though, then don't read this.**

* * *

The air seemed oddly calm, unnerving Han more than it probably should have.

He spent the majority of his life smuggling goods from one place to the other, an occupation that requires the capability of being cool under pressure. It was either that or die and he liked living quite a bit so he learned.

Standing there at that moment, though, staring at his son's dark form retreating on the bridge he felt his resolve start to crumble. Something electric and cold was running up and down his spine, pulling him away from the bridge. Away from the man his son had become where it was safe. Not okay because it hasn't been for a while but away so he could live another day.

He knew he couldn't though.

Not with his son so close.

Reaching the start of the bridge he called loud enough to echo, allowing his voice to ring around the walls as he gave up their position, " _BEN_!"

Not Kylo Ren.

 _Never_ Kylo Ren.

The dark figure stopped, head cocked slightly to the side as if trying to discern rather or not the voice was real, before turning so Han was able to see the dark mask covering his son's face. The silver seemed to glisten under the bright lights, reflecting as if to blind Han. Not that it mattered if it had. His son was right there, so close, and Han wasn't going to let him just walk out of his life a second time.

"Take off your mask!" Han demanded, one step forward so he was on the bridge.

He felt Chewie's begging eyes on his back, silently pleading for him to retreat back to where it was safe. Han knew he couldn't, though, not until he set everything right.

His son chuckled, not moving for the longest second before he reached up and pulled the mask off with a heavy _whish_ of releasing air. Then all Han saw was pale skin and dark hair and- _no_ \- everything was so incredibly wrong he had to take a step back- off the bridge once more.

"What did you expect to see?" the man who's taken his son's identity for so long asked and his eyes sparkled with twisted amusement.

Han opened his mouth, as if to speak, but immediately clamped it shut again because _what was going on?_ Luke had said and they had thought for so long and this couldn't be happening. In its own way, this was worst then if Han saw his son's face reflected back towards him because at least then he was certain he was _alive_.

"Not you," he managed to get out voice twisted in the lump in his throat before he demanded in quick anger, "Who are you?"

The man laughed- a humorless and bitter laugh- as he shook his head. When he looked back at Han, pity shown back but not in the way normal people would. This made Han want to cry and scream and attack the man before him because it _was not his son_. It never had been.

"You know my name," the man- Kylo Ren- supplied as if it had been the simplest thing in the world, "but you had always refused to use it in regard of me. How about now? What's my name?"

Han didn't care anymore.

He only cared about one thing.

"Where's my son?" and this time there was power in his words, an assertiveness that had been missing before due to initial shock.

Kylo Ren tilted his head to the side, dark strands of hair falling into his features as he blinked back at Han berating him with his eyes. Like it was somehow Han's fault he hasn't gotten a hold of the big picture yet. He just found out the man he'd thought to be his son wasn't even his offspring. After all this time.

 _Did Leia know?_

Han swallowed as his stomach twisted once more, churning sourly in his gut at the thought of his wife. He knew she had been just as oblivious to this as he had or he would've known before now. She couldn't keep anything from him.

"Good question," Kylo Ren hummed straightening his posture and clutching the lightsaber at his side, "One I was sort of hoping you'd be able to answer for me. You see, all those years ago when I killed all those younglings I was almost certain I'd gotten your little brat."

Han forgot to breathe as something dropped from the bottom of his world.

Ben was dead. No. That couldn't be true. Han's spent too much time hating the person he's become, he couldn't be told just now that he should've been mourning him. He couldn't truly be gone.

Except Han knew he very well could, and if what the man before him said was true then that meant Ben had died when all the other children did.

 _No wonder Luke disappeared into hiding._

 _Luke…_

"But now," Kylo Ren oblivious to Han's swarming thoughts, "I'm not so sure. Something's changed in the universe- a shift. I need that piece of the puzzle. I need that map to Luke Skywalker- to your son."

Han barely heard the words, mind continuing to swirl as everything seemed to fall into place.

If Ben had died then they would've known. Luke would've told them, not making up some story about their son falling to the darkside and killing all his padawans. He wouldn't have _lied_ to them, which meant Ben hadn't been killed. Luke had saved him and then disappeared because he knew it was the only way to protect the boy.

In many ways, Luke was a better father then Han ever was. At least he tried keeping the kid safe, having done a far better job at it then Han ever did.

That realization came with a far worst one when he realized why the map was so sought out for in the First Order. It had nothing to do with Luke and everything with Ben. They wanted to finish the job. They wanted to _kill_ Ben.

Not on Han's life.

"You'll never get it," Han snarled, voice twisted in his anger as he narrowed burning eyes at Kylo Ren. The man who has destroyed everything once good and whole in Han's little world.

"Oh please," Kylo Ren snorted with a roll of his eyes, "Quit pretending to be a good devoted father. Little Ben _hated_ training. He never wanted to be a Jedi but he endured it because he finally wanted to make you proud in him. That's all he ever wanted."

The anger died in Han's mouth, leaving an ashy taste on his tongue as his chest constricted a little too tightly. He knew it was dumb but the words affected him far more than he knew were possible. Especially considering he spent all this time convinced his son was a homicidal maniac that had turned his back on family.

"Why?" Han croaked out because at least when he thought it was Ben he understood why he had turned his back on everything. Now it all seemed cruel.

"Why did I turn against Skywalker?" Kylo Ren asked, goading Han with his voice as he explained with a snicker, "Because I wanted to. I could so I did and- let me tell you- it's great. Fantastic, even, and I've never felt freer then after I killed all those other padawans."

Han shook his head in denial.

This was wrong. He was certain of it.

Behind him he could hear the kids that stole his ship calling for him. The girl seemed especially desperate, hands clenched tightly around the metal railing as large brown eyes sparkled. It was only then that Han realized that Kylo Ren had taken the time spent talking to slowly creep closer, lightsaber lying menacingly at his side.

 _He had been distracting him_ , Han realized with a jolt, _playing along so he could kill him._

Han didn't think, just reacted.

His hand clasped around his gun, jerking it upwards as he pulled the trigger. He hadn't taken the time to aim because he didn't have time and they were close enough to where he didn't need to. The blast struck Kylo Ren in the side, causing him to grunt as something red dribbled through his fingers.

It had been a good hit.

A _lucky_ hit.

Turning on his heel, he called at Chewie. The words didn't make sense to him, his mind still stuck on the fact that his son wasn't who he had thought it to be. Chewie must've understood, though, because the next moment the world was exploding around them.

He ducked, hands curling protectively around his head as something hot burned at his back. He didn't bother slowing down, reaching the stairs and starting down them when a hand caught his wrist. He was jerked around so it was his front pressed against the shaggy ball of fur and muscle.

They stumbled backwards, Chewie acting as Han's shield and Han wanted to cry out because Chewie couldn't do this. Han wouldn't _let_ him.

He didn't get a chance to voice his opinion.

The next moment was consumed by fire.

* * *

Han blinked in the darkness, taking a moment before he realized that he wasn't unconscious nor was he dead. Instead there was a weight settled over his chest, pressing down on him and it smelt atrocious.

"Chewie?" he asked, voice a little too high-strung as he rolled the weight off him to shake limp shoulders, "Come on buddy? You with me?"

A moan before a low growl and Han felt himself breathe. His hands were shaking so he clutched them in tight fists as he moved back to look his lifelong friend in the eye. Chewie stared back, gaze still dazed with confusion.

"Come on furball," Han grunted as he rose to his feet, bringing his friend up with him and looked around as the room continued falling apart.

Kylo Ren was gone.

So were the kids.

 _No_. Han wasn't sure how much more of this his heart could take. He was nowhere near the man he had once been, the combination of age of family making his heart soft and vulnerable.

Chewie cried out, voicing Han's distress. Han blinked at the noise, forcing himself to focus. He needed to clear his mind if he were going to escape and find his son and wayward friend. Something he should've done a long time ago, after Luke first went missing.

He hadn't because he had been weak. He hadn't thought he had been ready.

He was ready now, though, and he wasn't going to stop until his son was back in his arms where he belonged and then him, Luke, and Leia would figure out a way to stop the First Order. They've done it before, they could do it again.

He needed to leave with his life intact first.

Him and Chewie stumbled down the stairs, coming across a crater in the side of the wall from where debris had knocked it over. The light reflecting off the snow nearly blinded him as he blinked, shielding his gaze as he hurried towards the last place he had seen his ship. Chewie wasn't far behind and though he was gripping his arm like he was in pain Han knew he'd live.

That is, if they manage to get off in time.

As luck would have it, his ship was where he had left it. A first, he supposed, and would've been a rather pleasant one if not for the fact he had no idea where the kids were at. Chewie must've been thinking along the same lines as him as he spoke up, voice distressed.

"Of course we can't leave the kids," Han reassured a little snappishly as he hurried to get the ship back to running.

They found them beside one of the craters opening up as the planet split itself apart. Finn was unconscious and Rey wasn't faring much better. Kylo Ren had his lightsaber pressed against hers (and when had she gotten one of those, he wondered) and though she was able to keep him at bay it would only be a matter of time before he overpowered her.

"Chewie!" Han called because he wasn't sure what else to do, eyes locked on Rey as he silently hoped and prayed to not watch her suddenly die in front of him.

Kylo Ren's dark gaze traveled up behind Rey's head, catching sight of the Millennium Falcon and frowned. Rey took advantage of his slight distraction, shoving him off her before turning to see him for herself. Brown hair whipped around her small features and Han knew that he needed to save her and Finn.

Chewie fired something, the blasts hitting behind Rey- close enough to cause her to cry out as she jumped forward in a dodge. Kylo Ren stepped back as the earth opened up between him and them, forced to watch as his prey managed to escape.

Han stared at him, wondering how he could've ever possibly thought that he had been his son.

* * *

Han was right on his earlier assumption of Leia not knowing.

She just sort of blinked at him after he finished explaining it all, mouth opened as if she wanted to speak and not sure of which words to use. Han was convinced there weren't any words good enough. Their son was alive and not evil, having lived wherever Luke had the past several years.

Then realization must have struck because a distressed sound escaped his wife as she curled forward, eyes pressed against his jacket and he held her stroking her back tenderly. He had done it once before- after they beat the Empire the first time and she finally got a chance to break down about the loss of her planet. This time was different though. They weren't mourning anything.

He's unsure how long they sat like that, holding each other, before she pulled away with a determined spark gleaming her eye. Her jaw was set, and hands clenched in tight fists as she repeated what she had told him before he'd left the first time.

"Bring our son home."

This time, though, something about it felt right.

* * *

The planet was sort of unlivable- perfect for Luke Han figured. Since he was the only person Han knew who could survive on something so desolate. There was water this time, though, so Han supposed it was a technically step up from Tatooine.

Luke greeted him at his ship, wearing a long grey beard Han couldn't recall him having before. His blue eyes seemed dimmer too, a far cry to the fierce determination he held all those years ago and something inside Han broke at the sight.

The universe, it seemed, was not kind to its Jedi.

"Hey Han," Luke spoke, voice tired and old and worn as he turned his head so he didn't have to look into Han's eyes.

Han was having none of that.

He closed the distance between the two of them, drawing the man into a tight hug and just sort of holding him there. Pressed close as he silently reassured him that it was alright. Han knew and he wasn't mad. Neither was Leia, they just wanted him to come home.

Then he pulled away and the moment was over.

Luke swallowed before whispering hoarsely, "He was quite happy when he realized it was you. He's missed you, both of you."

Han nodded like he understood but knew he didn't.

He never even knew Ben had been missing, always thought his son had grown up as a monster but as Luke led him up the mountain he realized he was wrong. Ben wasn't a monster. He was a Jedi.

He was definitely older than the last time Han had seen him, which wasn't a surprise. He was tall and lanky and so much like Kylo Ren in build it physically hurt. His face was different, though. Kinder. Happier as blond hair whipped around grown features.

"Dad," the teen choked when they reached the top, shoulders hunched up so they were nearly touching his ears as tears prickled in his expression.

He didn't move to hug him, though, like Han had expected.

So Han did it for him.

And for the first time in years, as he clutched Ben's quivering form to his chest, everything had settled back into place and felt right and though he knew soon he'd have to let go and go back and deal with reality he didn't have to _then_.

At the moment he was content with finally being able to hold his son again.

* * *

 **So if you're looking for a good explanation for this there isn't one. Obviously this deters very far from canon (ah well) and I'm not sure where it even came from to even start a possible explanation. Even still, hoped you guys enjoyed it. Don't forget to review, thoughts and comments are always loved.**


End file.
